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2004-03-21 - 2:38 p.m. This is my third entry for today. (kris please read the past two first!!) I'm here... alone. I can't help but cry. My face is drenched in tears that I haven't wiped because she needs to wipe them, to get me a tissue to hold me close to her. To stroke my hair. I was reading her journal she left me in hopes of comfort...it just makes me want her here so much more. I thought I was doing better. Hearing her on the phone made me go back to just knowing the phone kris but no...this past week really happened. She was really here, really in my arms, really in my bed, laying her head on my chest. Squeezing me tight. I mean I don't understand my feelings, its not like I'm never going to see her again.I don't want her to read this and feel bad. She was very strong today. She didn't cry in front of me at least. I want her back. I want her here. I studied her face for awhile. Her soft skin, full natural rosy cheeks. The way her green eyes have tiny hints of light orange and brown. The beautiful shape of her small lips. Her button nose. Her soft hair, her precious small ears. The way the corners of her lips tighten and her bottom lip pouts and quivers right before she cries. Her gentle kiss on my lips, the softness of her tongue, the sweetness of her nibbles. More tears fall and she's not here to catch them, to kiss them away. What I longed for my whole life I had in the past week. I WANT HER BACK! I want to get on a plane and bring her back. I was doing so good too. Being strong, just reliving the smiles. Then I started to read her words, I started to feel lonely. I see emptiness in this room. Vivid visions of recent moments make my breath shallow. I still can taste her on my lips. I WANT HER BACK!! please! please!Its too lonely here. I can't handle this. I need her back! please just come back!! I know she has her life at home. Her daughter, her school work. I must be selfish. My tummy is aching, my head hurts and these tears wont go away. They are starting to dry on my cheeks, she's not here to wipe them away. I never thought I could be this happy and this sad at the same time. She had me read her cards before she left. It made her feel better and even though I said the reading myself I still feel the longing, the empty the selfishness! It was the best week I ever had in my entire life. She was everything I grew to love over phone conversations, and so much more. *deep breath* Whew, it was truly an amazing week. I'm soo happy. I loved it more than anything. She is so beautiful, so passionate, so sweet, and all mine. I can't wait for our next encounter. You know, I don't feel so sad anymore. This week was great. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. The emotions, the touch, the exploration, the hope, the bliss. I'm so glad she came to Austin on Wed. March 17, 2004 1:20 pm. The day my life finally made sense and my heart finally experienced true happiness. *increase the peace*
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