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2004-03-03 - 3:18 a.m. "i can't sleep clowns will eat me" Damn button! pshhh I can't sleep anyhow...no clue as to why, sleep time then ... bah! no more! Oi None of our elevators are working, it's times like these it sucks to live on the tenth floor! BLAH!! yeah well beats sleeping with the smelly jocks! Not that there's anything wrong with jocks and i'm not saying they all smell but..hey! the lingering gymy smell stays around...Speakin' of gym ...hehehe I started working out again, feels good, minus the soreness, but i get some energy.I feel horrible that i'm obsessed with my self image. I have no prob with anyone else's i certainly dont' use image to judge anyone,...but myself. It makes me feel horrible especially cause I think it makes Kris feel bad sometimes. She does make me feel like i've never felt before and in some of the deepest moments i am beautiful...only because she truly believes i am. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm not drop dead in fright ugly, i'm just not very pretty. Or at least i don't think i am. I think that's a flaw that i can never seem to get rid of. I mean I'm not very shy ...well sometimes but that's only with Kris, and I'm very outspoken, but boy does my body get on my nerves. I guess that's why I started working out. I'm tired of my image, but its weird cause before i came here i worked out all the time, i was toned and now i'm just plushy, but I have motivation now, my roomies go with me so its all good. Kris will be here soon and she'll get to see ALL of my chunkiness, I know she loves just "drea" but I want to be beautiful for her, and yes i know she already thinks i am ... but i don't. I know ITS HORRIBLE. I'm just a big jerk, but you know Kris is the only peron ever to make me feel worth something (relationship wise) and I'm so grateful for that. I think she's a great person, a strong woman, a brave and beautiful lady. I'm glad shes mine! *big huge drea kissie* Alrighty, I'm off to see if i can get some sleep! OH OH OH wait! I downloaded this program where i can make my pictures on my computer my screensaver! yay! hehee i'm so happy (no i'm not all fancy shmancy with the XP windows) hehe ok i'm off! pray thee that sleep will fortake my body!! MUAH! *increase the peace*
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