2004-01-12 - 5:36 a.m.

It's been a couple of days huh? since the ninth I believe. Well that's not too long I don't think..

Well that friday nite my phone came on...lol yeah it was strange. We didn't even know it just started ringing and we all kind of just looked at it. Oi.

I don't know much of anything anymore you know. I have never given up on anything ever in my life and there are points when I just want to lift up my hands and say "THAT'S IT I GIVE UP" lol but that's not me never was never will be... I hope not at least. lol I'm going to write a book one day and reveal all the secrets that life and the world contains. I'm going to answer all the questions that pick at the mortal's brain, every theory that scratches every being's thoughts. I'm going to make SARCASM a religion and in this great book there will the secrets of love and hope and understanding, acceptance and trust, belief in oneself and strength to get through the next day. I WILL REVEAL ALL!! *laughs at self* When I was way younger I truly believed that. I believed that I would be this great writer/philosopher who would expose the secrets that we all dared to question. Answer the lost hopes and the lost spirits. I honestly felt that I was capable of doing such and then I started to understand I started to realize hmph I started to grow up. My soul going beyond the years that I lived my spirit grew and there was underdstanding that secrets, those that we needed to uncover most of all would forever remain secrets, they would always be unknown, they would always taunt, and they would always be out of our reach. We can only make our own perspectives and comprehend only what we deem necessary. It's this insane trip through a surreal dose of reality that remains constant throughout your life. You don't know where to end you can't see where to start and it's like this continuous maze that you never really do get a hold of, you think you're out but you hit another wall...

One day when I have grown a little more...I'm going to try and write a book about the secrets about the answers and about the what ifs.. lol One day is always too far away.

Give up give in

Swallow belief and

Spit out the left

Over dream, paint it

On a canvas and gloss

With demand, Center

It in a frame, a limit

A border, and you'll

Find you can't contain

Splendor, life is for the

Taking for the dreamer for

The strong it's up to the

Being to find his own answer

To the unanswerable

The search is a neverending

Journey an an empty phrase,

An endless poem...