2003-12-13 - 11:39 p.m.

I often think about the time and choices I have made since I really started to understand life, or my life at that. The different people I've met the emotions i've felt. How many times I stopped dead in my tracks due to confusion or hurt. Here's a quote i found...I'm a quote freak! "since love and fear can hardly exist together, if we must choose between them, it is far safer to be feared than loved. " Machiavelli "the prince'

I like it because I had to be tough to get through because if I let people love me then I hurt all the more when they left. It's the reason I'm often mean but caring because, I dont' mind loving anyone! I just fear the hurt from others. But now times are changing and I'm growing. Spiritually mentally, dreams are becoming real. I go to school, I live my life, and I found someone to share my happiness with and wow, I never thought I would find that.

I don't choose to be different. I just am. I always was the one who didn't follow, the one who made her own set of rules and broke all the others. Who never stayed quiet and surely never stayed still. I am the one who cares not what others think beacause I am who I am and no one can change that. Why I'm writing this I don't know, why these thoughts have decided to flood my head tonight I haven't a clue, but they are here. These thoughts have taken a life of their own, finding their way into my everyday meanings, finding a way into my heart, forcing to put myself above all requiring that I take into consideration that there really are people who consider me important. I know that all my life people have been there for me helping me to become what I am today and I never have forgotten that, but I also want so badly to just find me.